I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize