So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
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