i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
