sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
