Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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