he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
