Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
