I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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