The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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