it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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