Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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