she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
