I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
