I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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