They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
