I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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