Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
