So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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