It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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