She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
