if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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