I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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