I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
