I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
