oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
