i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Randomize
