My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
