You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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