no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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