Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
