when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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