The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
