a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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