hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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