i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
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