Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize