The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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