im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
