I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
