Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
