I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
It's never too late to be topless.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
