Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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