Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
My ass is underappreciated
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
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