careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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