just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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