Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
