hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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