**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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