I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
