so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
