okay pat passed out under dana's car
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
