My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
