do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
