that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
