I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize