This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
