I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize