I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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