return my video game
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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