My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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