For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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