I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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