So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
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