Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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