umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
