how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
