i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
