I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
