I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
