are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
