So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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