you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
