Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
