I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
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