I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
it's like iHOP with fire
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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