respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
