I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
