jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Sponge bath it is.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
