Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
