oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
