I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
