my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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