i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I can't trust your balls anymore.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
