dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
