I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
