I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
