So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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