Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize
