I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
