He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
