I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize