i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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