Betty ford says i'm here all night
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize